Kristin's Journal
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Thursday, February 5, 2004
11:14PM
Goodbye.
And please, don't reply.
Sunday, February 1, 2004
So, yeah. I don't have a cell phone anymore. I repeat, no cell phone. Don't call it or text message it. I don't have it anymore.
Life sucks without a cell phone.
I still have the physical phone though, I'll probably go reactivate it in a couple weeks when I get some dough.
I'll be 18 in 10 days.
Caleb's doing well for everyone who's shown concern.
So who do you think is gonna win the Superbowl today? My guess is the Panthers. I'm not a football fan, but I get into it when Superbowl nears. I don't think it's so much of a big deal down here as it was last year, because last year the hometown won and this year they didn't do crap. I don't like the Bucs.
Current mood: better Current music: the sound of me cracking my neck
Friday, January 30, 2004
Things come all at once and it's too much to take. I am better now, but I can still hear my 15-year-old self telling me to take a razor to my arm. No. I won't do that anymore. I quit that along time ago.
Caleb's leg was amputated today. I want to see how everything went and make sure he's doing okay, but I don't want to bother his family right now. Although the concern is killing me inside. It just breaks my heart to know he's in the hospital again, let alone he has cancer. But I guess what he told me yesterday was right, you need to have a sense of humor in order to survive. I'm just taken back by how calm he is.
Today was the last day I'll see Sarah until the end of March. On the way home I had to pull over into a parking lot and just screamed and cried and let all my emotion out. I needed it.
Oh, and Dad, you snoop around for skeletons in the closet. I'm pretty sure you have quite a few skeletons hanging up there too. My close friends know what I'm talking about.
Current mood: completely worn out Current music: Silverchair - Abuse Me
Thursday, January 29, 2004
Caleb has connective tissue cancer. He called me today and told me that the cancer was just around his right knee, but just in that area alone they've found multiple malignant tumours, most to deep to just cut out. So in order to prevent the cancer from spreading, his right leg is going to be amputated, and chemotherapy for precaution incase of any dormant cells. I had to prevent myself from crying because I had to drive. The reality of this is hitting slowly but hard. Now I know how people feel when they say, "You never think cancer will hit close to home."
Sarah is leaving on Feb. 4th for basic training. I'm at her house right now, and tomorrow I go home and it will be the last time I see her before her graduation from basic.
I need somebody to hug me.
Current mood:  depressed
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.
Travel Plans for 2004:
End of March - Sarah's graduation for basic training in Missouri
Spring Breakish - Trip w/ LeLe (most likely to NYC)
End of April - Upstate NY for great grandpa's burial
Summer - Out west (The Rocky Mountains & The Grand Canyon)
...and maybe more. There's alot of places I'd like to go this year.
Forget to mention yesterday the trip to the dentist. Wasn't as bad as my old dentist, but I still don't like going. They smoothed out my chipped tooth, and told me I have Periodontal Disease, and I have a really bad infection in the gum line of my left upper back teeth. So I have to go in on February 6th (Caleb's b-day) for one of those extreme cleaning surgeries. *groans*
I'm also getting my wisdom teeth pulled sometime in the near future. *groans*
We've been drowning in rain last night and this morning. The wind blew the front door open just enough to make the alarm go off and wake my dreamful self up. That happend around 2, then I didn't go back to sleep and started watching TV, then around 4 lightning hit the house. I think it just hit the satellite cause the TV went out for a few minutes. Good thing the power didn't go on. I literally have panic attacks in total darkness.
My cell phone just died. Darn. Gotta go charge it.
Current mood:  blah Current music: Evanescence - My Immortal
Monday, January 26, 2004
I am really depressed right now. It's a mixture of different things, I'm sad that tomorrow and Wednesday will be the last time I see Sarah for a long time, and we will miss each other's milestone b-day. I'm also developing nervousness about different things that are coming up, and not because I'm unsure. It's the kind of nervousness you feel when your interviewing for your dream job. But I blamed it on being unsure, I don't know if anyone read the last post before I edited it. To all I did confuse though, I'm sorry. I can't believe I said it out loud. The reason I'd edited it was because I couldn't stand looking at it. I'm sorry, I'm very emotional right now, and I'll be back to normal shortly.
Today was the first time I actually cried about the possibility of not being able to naturally conceive children of my own.
I'm sure mood swings from it being that time of the month aren't helping either.
I just need to keep the faith.
Current mood: depressed Current music: Christina Aguilera - The Voice Within
Saturday, January 24, 2004
"Muh bebe" turned 13 yesterday. :-)
Annie turns 3 tomorrow. :-)
Can you tell I love my pets a whole lot? hehe
Sarah's in the army now. She leaves for basic training on February 4th. I'm very happy for her, but I am so sad she's leaving. I have to keep reminding myself it's too soon to cry. I promise I'm gonna try to make it to your graduation, Sarah! Even if I have to lie, cheat, and steal.
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*EDITED: The paragraph that was here has been edited. Sorry, personal issues are messing with my head. If you need answers, call me. It's complicated.
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Okay, so I realized today, and no, I'm not trying to be cocky, that I'm a better drawer than I thought I was. Well, not a drawer. More like I doodler/cartoonist.
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What would you all think if I got Gastric Bypass Surgery? I know, it is an extremely risky surgery. But I'm in the middle of exploring it as a last resort if I can't loose weight. And I qualify for the surgery. This isn't something I'm just gonna go out and do tomorrow though. I'm going to keep studying up on it, and if I still feel this is something I want to do, I'm going to ask my doctor about it when I see him in May.
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I need a part-time job that pays good money. Any suggestions?
Current mood: i'm feeling menstural Current music: the ring tones on my cell phone
Thursday, January 22, 2004
It's official. I have a bad back. Damnit.
And as if my 24/7 back pain wasn't bad enough, today Aunt Flo decided to pay me her week-long monthly visit. Costco, Sam's Club, and BJ's are my favorite stores for this situation. Where else can you buy a box of almost 100 tampons? Ahh, I won't have to spend my hard working money of them for the next couple of months.
I am saving the current money I have right now for when I open a bank account. What a pleasant thought, no more money orders and having to wait impatiently for things over the internet. It's on my list of things to do when legal day comes. (People who've already passed the 18 mark are probably going "Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever you say...")
I want..to..do...nothing today. But that's not possible, I still have afternoon horse duties and we're getting a delivery of stuff (hay, feed, etc.) at the barn today, so it's my job to run the tractor so when can put multiple loads of T&A and alfalfa up in the hay loft.
For the farm illiterate, T&A and alfalfa are two different types of hay.
Time to go nap in a fetal position.
Current mood: sore Current music: a recording of one of my old songs "Where I Reign"
Sacrifices suck.
Maybe that's why I always catch myself in contradiction.
Current mood:  confused Current music: Fiona Apple - Never Is A Promise
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
I still hate my back.
I'm finally getting my chipped tooth fixed on Monday. I've been cutting the inside of my mouth with it too many times.
I'm getting back control over of my domain names tomorrow. Yay! I'm gonna get hosting service for it as soon as I get some more ca$h and I get my own piece of plastic, because I'm not gonna spend six months waiting for confirmation like I did with the money order to register the domain name. Maybe I'll finally be able to put up my music.
Man, how I'd love to start playing shows this spring. I think I will. Got to do some research on that.
Hanson are the only people I know who procrastinate more than I do.
Current mood:  artistic Current music: Vanessa Carlton - Wanted
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